MORE STUFF

I JUST LOVE PURPLE AND VIOLET AND LAVENDER.
I WAS WATCHING A BIO ON ELMORE LEONARD AND HE IS SO INSPIRING.
MADE ME WANT TO READ ALL HIS BOOKS AND SEE ALL THE MOVIES BASED ON HIS BOOKS.
HE IS 83 YEARS OLD AND HAS HAD 3 WIVES THE LAST ONE IS 23 YEARS YOUNGER THAN HIM. SHE WAS HIS GARDENER BEFOREW HE MARRIED HER. AND SHE COOKS WELL. SHE ALSO HAD OSTEOARTHRITIS AND HAD KNEE WORK DONE ON HER.
ANYWAYS HE WRITES EVERY DAY IN THE EARLY MORNING WHEN HES UP AND NEVER MISSES AND WILL DO SO UNTIL HE ISNT ALIVE ANYMORE. HE WRITES LONG HAND THEN TYPES ON A TYPEWRITER.

OH HOW I WISH I HAD TAKEN UP WRITING WHEN I WAS YOUNG I REALLY LIKED TO WRITE A LOT AT ONE TIME.

MY FREINDS ALWAYS LOVED MY LETTERS AS THEY WERE FILLED WITH HUMOR AND STORIES ABOUT MY OWN FOOLISHNESS AND MY OBSERVATIONS OF OTHERS THAT I CONSIDERED AMUSING. WHEN I STOPPED THIS TYPE OF WRITING I CANNOT REMEMBER.

BUT I DID A LOT OF WRITING IN MY PROFESSION AS AN LCSW WHEN I WAS IN PRACTICE.

I SUFFERED FROM PTSD( POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER ) AT LEAST 4 TIMES IN MY ADULT LIFE.
and many more times as a child.

1. THE FIRST TIME WHEN MY SON NUMBER 2 WAS INJURED AS A RESULT OF TRYING TO MAKE FIREWORKS WITH GUNPPOWDER THAT SOEM GENIUS NEIGHBOR KID TALKED HIM INTO AND HE WENT ALONG WITH IT. I DROVE HIM TO MATHER AIRFORCE BASE FOR TREATMENT THEY TRANSFERRED HIM TO UCMED CENTER WHERE HE WAS TREATED BY A HAND SPECIALIST. EVERY FINGER ON BOTH HANDS WERE BROKEN. HE LOST SEVERAL FINGERS COMPLETELY.

THE SECOND EPISODE WAS WHEN MY 22 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER DIED .

THE THIRD TIME WAS WHEN I OBSERVED A HOSTAGE SITUATION IN A STATE PRISON WHERE I WAS WORKING ON AN ACUTE UNIT.

AND THE FOURTH AND MOST RECENT WAS WHEN MY FIRST SON DIED ON SEPTEMBER 19TH 2008.

I BOUGHT A BOOK ON TREATMENT FOR PTSD AND I MAY GO THRU THE EXERCISES IN TIME BUT I AM NOT READY AS YET.

MY EXPERIENCE OF MY SON'S ACCIDENT REPLAYED IN MY MIND DAY AFTER DAY FOR YEARS. HAVING TO CARE FOR HIM HELPED ME OVERCOME THIS. MY PRIMARY JOB WAS TO PREVENT HIM FROM BECOMING SELF PITYING AND FEELING DISABLED. ALL MY ENERGY AND FOCUS WENT INTO THAT. AT THE TIME HE FELT I WAS EXTREMELY CRUEL, BUT 5 YEARS LATER HE TOLD ME
" REMEMBER WHEN I THOUGHT YOU WERE BEING SUCH A MEAN BITCH TO ME AFTER I GOT HURT? WELL, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DID WHAT YOU DID AND I REALLY APPRECIATE IT"
THOSE WORDS TOOK AWAY SO MANY GUILT FEELINGS AND FEAR AND SADNESS FROM MY HEART I WILL ALWAYS LOVE MY SON FOR TELLING ME THIS.
I AM DONE FOR NOW I WILL GO OVER MY OTHER EPISODES INA FUTURE WRITING. I NEED REST RIGHT NOW. THESE ALWAYS BRING UP PAINS IN MY HEARET AND I NEED TIEM TO OVERCOME THEM.