DEATH HAD A SEASON FOR US ALL THIS MONTH

I NOTED MY FRIENDS HAD LOST A BELOVED FRIEND THIS MONTH. WE ALSO LOST A BELOVED BABY FRIEND THIS MONTH SHE WAS ONLY 3 AND A HALF MONTHS OLD AND SHE WAS BORN WITH SO MANY PROBLEMS BUT SUCH AND ADORABLE LITTLE ANGEL . SHE CAME, STOLE HEARTS, AND RAN AWAY INTO GOD'S LOVING ARMS.

WE HAVE TWO BATHROOMS(WE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN 3) AND WHEN WE HAVE COMPANY MY HUBBY MOVES INTO MINE . THIS LAST WEEKEND HE ALSO DID WHEN OUR KIDS CAME OVER. HE LEFT A BOOK THERE CALLED "WHAT THE DOG SAW" WRITTEN BY MALCOLM GLADWELL WHO WRITES FOR THE NEW YORKER MAGAZINE. HE TOOK A SERIES OF ARTICLES HE HAD WRITTEN AND ARRANGED THEM INTO THIS BOOK. IT IS ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE SEE AND THINK. HE TALKS ABOUT WHEN YOU ARE A BABY YOU LEARN TO DISTINGUISH WHAT YOU THINK AS FROM WHAT YOU BELIEVE EVERYONE THINKS. WE START OUT THINKING EVERYONE SEES THINGS AS WE DO LATER WE ARE SURPRISED TO NOTE THAT WE ALL DO NOT SEE THINGS IN THE SAME WAY. WELL, A LOT OF PEOPLE NEVER GET OVER THIS INFANT THOUGHT THINKING.

IT HAPPENS WHEN WE ASSUME EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT WE MEAN , SINCE WE ALL CAN SEE THE SAME THING.

THE JAPANESE HAVE A WORD FOR ORIGINAL THOUGHT IT IS CALLED SHO-SHIN OR SEEING THINGS THROUGH NEW EYES .
CREATIVENESS IS JUST A SERIES OF SHO SHIN .

WELL I SUPPOSE I HAVE MANAGED TO CONFUSE FOLKS AND I PROBABLY HAVEN'T EXPLAINED IT IN THE RIGHT WAY AS HE MEANT IT, BUT THEN I HAVE A WAY OF SEEING THINGS THRU MY EYES TOO.
AS SOON AS SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING, I INTERPRET IT THRU MY BRAIN FILTERS AND THEN I SEE IT THAT WAY.

NOW THE TRICK IS TO LOOK AGAIN AND THEN AGAIN , AND SEE HOW MANY WAYS I CAN SEE IT, WHEN I WAS INVOLVED IN PROVIDING THERAPY FOR PATIENTS, I HAD TO KEEP CLARIFYING WHAT THE PATIENTS SAID IN ORDER TO REALLY HAVE A VIEW OF HOW THEIR MINDS THOUGHT AND HOW THEY SAW THINGS. SINCE I RETIRED I DO NOT MAKE ALL THAT EFFORT, I JUST LET MYSELF LAZE IN MY OWN CROSSED IDEAS, SEE, I DON'T HAVE TO WORK ANYMORE.

MANY TIMES WHEN PEOPLE FOUND OUT I WAS A PSYCHOTHERAPIST, THEY WOULD BECOME AFRAID TO SAY MUCH FOR FEAR I WAS EVALUATING THEM AND FINDING THEM LACKING IN SANITY. HA HA DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH EFFORT IT TAKES TO LISTEN WITH A THIRD EAR?

EVALUATING A PERSON FOR A PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSESSMENT AND DIAGNOSIS REQUIRES SO MUCH ENERGY THAT GIVEN A CHOICE TO EXPEND THAT ENERGY AND TO NOT DO IT , I AM LAZY ENOUGH TO NOT DO IT.
SO WORRY NOT PEOPLE WHO FEAR INSANITY I AM IN YOUR RANKS AS A"NORMAL" CRAZY FOR THE MOST PART. HAHHAHA

I REALLY LOVED MY CAREER WHEN IN THE MIDST OF IT. IN FACT , ONCE I WAS WRITING A REPORT AND ASSESSMENT AND DIAGNOSIS ON A PATIENT I HAD JUST SEEN IN THE PRISON WHERE I WORKED, THAT I WAS ABLE TO SHUT OUT EVERYTHING WHEN I WAS IN THIS DEEP STATE OF THOUGHT.
MY TELEPHONE RANG AND IT WAS MY COLLEAGUE WHO INFORMED ME WE WERE IN A HOSTAGE SITUATION ON OUR UNIT, AND FOR ME TO STAY IN MY OFFICE TO REMAIN SAFE, ALSO THEY HAD USED PEPPER SPRAY AND IT WAS IN THE AIR. SO COMING OUT MEANT ID HAVE BURNING EYES.

WELL, I WAS SAFE ENOUGH AND I CONTINUED ON WITH MY ASSESSMENT UNDISTURBED BY THE WORLD OUTSIDE MY OFFICE.

SOON A CORRECTIONAL OFFICER CAME TO MY DOOR AND TOLD ME TO COME OUT, I TOLD HER I WAS PERFECTLY SAFE THERE AND HAD NO REASON TO COME OUT. OUR DOORS WERE EXTREMELY HEAVY AND LINED WITH STEEL IN THE MIDDLE AND BREAKING DOWN MY DOOR WOULD BE A BIG BIG JOB,
SO THE OFFICER TOLD ME SHE WAS GOING TO GO GET A KEY AND DRAG ME OUT. WELL, I DECIDED I BETTER GO OUT. WHEN I WENT OUT I SAW OUR UNIT WAS EXTREMELY QUIET AND NO ONE WAS IN VIEW, AS I PASSED THE TREATMENT ROOMS I LOOKED INSIDE AND SAW A BIG BIG MAN AND SEVERAL OTHER PATIENTS WITH 3 FEMALE STAFF THE BIG MAN WAS JUMPING UP AND DOWN PUMPING HIMSELF UP AND HAD TWO POINTED PENCILS POINTED AT A WOMAN'S HEAD AS IF TO JAB HER WITH THEM, I STOOD AND OBSERVED FOR AWHILE THEN I WENT OUT TO THE MAINLINE 2ND FLOOR WHERE WE WERE AND A CROWD OF PEOPLE WERE OUT THERE.

WELL I FELT OKAY AFTER THAT DAY AND A LOT OF PEOPLE CLAIMED PTSD AND TOOK A LOT OF TIME OFF, I DID NOT. I WAS GOING ON VACATION FOR A MONTH AFTER THAT WEEK AND I FELT OK, AND I DID FEEL PRETTY OK ALL THROUGH MY VACATION. BUT ON A FRIDAY NIGHT BEFORE I WENT BACK TO WORK ON TUESDAY I HAD A VERY DISTRESSING DREAM.
I DREAMT THAT I WAS HOLDING A BABY THAT HAD BEEN SHOT AND WAS CRYING AND BLEEDING IN MY ARMS, AND I WAS AT A LOSS AS TO HOW TO HELP IT. THE MAN WHO SHOT THE BABY SAID " YOU CAN STOP HER SUFFERING BY KILLING HER, BUT THEN, YOU WILL BE JUST AS BAD AS I AM A KILLER". I WOKE UP SHAKING AND UPSET.
AND LATER I WENT IN FOR PTSD COUNSELING TO TRY TO OVERCOME MY TRAUMA. INTERESTINGLY PTSD DOESN'T ALWAYS SHOW UP IMMEDIATELY, IT SEEPS INTO YOUR BRAIN GRADUALLY LIKE IT DID MINE.

I RETIRED THE DECEMBER AFTER THIS HAPPENED BUT I TOOK ANOTHER JOB AS A PAROLE AGENT FOR THE INSANE ON THE STREETS THEY CALLED US FORENSIC MENTAL HEALTH SPECIALISTS. OR FMHS
IT WAS A STATE JOB SERVED BY A PRIVATE AGENCY I WORKED AT THAT FOR ABOUT 3 YEARS THEN I WORKED AS A CONTRACTOR FOR THE STATE AND I FOUND MY NEW JOB SO INTERESTING , I REINSTATED IN MY STATE JOB AS A CORRECTIONAL CLINICIAN WHERE AS BEFORE I WAS IN CORRECTIONS UNDER THE DEPT OF MENTAL HEALTH .

I FOUDN THIS JOB SATISFYING FOR ANOTHER 4 YEARS AND THEN I RETIRED FOR GOOD AFTER A SHORT STINT WITH THE COUNTY MENTAL HEALTH A VERY UGLY AND HORRIBLE JOB WHERE I WONDERED EACH DAY IF THAT WERE THE DAY I WAS GOING TO QUIT. FORTUNATELY, THAT JOB ENDED AND THE MANAGEMENT AND I DIDN'T LIKE ONE ANOTHER . IT WAS RUN VERY MESSILY AND I DIDN'T APPROVE.
THEY USED MARRIAGE COUNSELORS AS THERAPISTS AND CLINICIANS AS UNDERLINGS AND NOBODY SEEMED TO CARE ABOUT PATIENTS JUST HOW TO GET RID OF THEM.
WELL NOW I'M HAPPY AND AWAY FROM ALL THOSE ICKY THINGS I DIDN'T LIKE BUT I DO MISS MY PRISON JOB I FELT I DID GOOD WORK THERE.

SO , THOSE ARE MY THOUGHTS FOR THIS DAY.